My dear Afiq

My dear Afiq,
thank you for the..precious memories. 23rd of February..will be a date I will never forget.


Still

To know you for these past 25 years, we were lucky enough. Remembering the ride back to my parents house after the funeral, crying at the backseat like a child, listening to soothing words by my dad and mom while my kids hugged me as if to say "It's okay Mama, all is okay", how you shone like the brightest star you were, yet like all the brightest stars out there,  you burned out too quick. But just enough to touched thousands of people's heart.
To actually breaking it to pieces.

Life without Afiq..

what its like really?

If I close my eyes real hard, I can still taste and smell the magic bubble you love blowing, and I..remember the feel of breaking the bubble, how it turned into vapor, the smell, how I loved it.  With my son singing "MAGIC BUBBLE is good for you" at the background, and you, laughing at how I was obsessed of breaking the bubbles.

Still remembering feeling sad, watching you packed your bag in my guestroom, not knowing it'll be your last visit. You gave your triceratops clay to Ali asking him to take care of it. I cried watching you took off, not knowing why was I so sad of watching my cousin bidding us a simple goodbye.


I'm saving all your pictures into one big folder, and the need to let you go, in peace, I am still trying.

Goodbye my brother, you have been one of the highlight of my life, one of the sun,  that consistently shone even when things were falling apart.

Goodbye my brother, may we meet again one day.

Pengalaman bersalin di Hospital Salam Shah Alam

Pengalaman bersalin di Hospital Salam.

Di mana patut I mula ya? I dah 38 minggu mengandung..dengan sakit contraction yang banyak, bukaan dah 4 cm, tanda pun dah turun..tapi…baby masih degil duduk dalam. Mungkin memang dia belum ready nak keluar pun. Right after Subuh, tiba-tiba rasa contraction yang extra kuat dari sebelum – sebelum ni. Terus kiss my firstborn and siap-siap pack. Sampai di Salam, nurse-nurse check contraction guna CTG and memang cakap tengah kuat and bukaan pun dah 5 cm. Nurse cakap “Ok awak bolehla makan apa-apa sebelum bersalin ya” and I minta my husband belikan Maggie goring and teh ais haha! Nurse terkejut lepas tu cakap janganla makan berat sangat nanti muntah tapi I makan juga .

Tapi ada dua tiga benda yang buat I terkilan. I masuk-masuk je pesan pada nurse and Doktor yang I memang tanak induce, taknak pecahkan ketuban (sakit), nak baby tu keluar secara natural. Naif kan?

Right after check bukaan, nurse terus induce tanpa cakap apa-apa. Tak lama lepas tu, datang lagi untuk pecahkan air ketuban which was really painful. Dalam hati I asik fikir I should have waited.

Siapa suruh admit cepat sangat?

Lepas tu progress was really slow, after a while I minta Epidural sebab I memang takut dengan sakit bersalin haha biaq pi la ade orang cakap tak rasa nikmat bersalin, sebab kali ni walaupun ambik epidural, I rasa dari perut ke bawah semua contraction and sakit bersalin I rasa T_T Epidural tu tak jalan sangat tapi kaki I tak rasa apa. Camana tu? Memang rezeki masing-masing kan. Induce pukul 9 am., pukul 1 masih takda progress. Fikri dah pergi Solat Jumaat time tu so I call dia nangis-nangis and text cakap if takde progress lagi kene czer, I pun minta die cepat balik to make me feel better. Nangis teruk dekat labor room dan minta nurse and doctor tangguhkan dan beri saya masa lebih sikit sebab SAYA TAKNAK CZER!! Pukul 2 pm fikri bergegas masuk dan pegang tangan I, bisik and urut perut untuk kejut that sleepyhead dalam perut suruh keluar cepat. Tiba-tiba contraction start rasa balik, makin kuat, makin kuat, sakit sangat so nurse bagi I gas. Terlebih sedut pulak tiba-tiba I macam blackout and rasa semua funny-funny. I ketawa kuat-kuat and I felt so happy, contraction semua hilang. I heard the doc cakap “tadi sedih-sedih, tiba-tiba ketawa pulak” and then I came to my sense and sambung push balik. Push push push baby pun keluar! Alhamdulillah, Aminah Fahima was born at 2.50 pm on a Friday evening.

Drama belum habis lagi, masa Doktor Asma’ jahit, dia bagitahu I ada varicose vein down there jadi salur darah macam bengkak , so bila salur darah tu pecah banyak darah keluar dan tempat tu macam bengkak. Nurse yang hantar I ke bilik tak friendly, siap suruh I angkat kaki sendiri padahal kaki tak rasa apa due to epidural. Anyway, beberapa jam lepas tu tiba-tiba rasa nak ke toilet. Fik tengah pandang tempat lain, so I bangun je dari katil and terus jatuh flat on the floor, jatuh atas punggung. Memang tak rasa sakit sebab kesan epidural lagi tapi something was not right. Fik panggil nurse and both angkat I letak di katil balik. Beberapa jam lepas tu, nurse and doctor check and cakap I ada hematoma so terus I kena surgery malam tu jugak, my husband was uninformed, langsung. Tak diberitahu apa-apa. Yang tahu hanya I kena surgery sahaja. Dalam fikiran ingat Ali, baby. Rindu yang sangat-sangat.  Dalam pukul 11 pm I di bawa masuk bilik, dan dapat jumpa Aminah. Rindu sangat.

Nurse yang masuk bilik Nampak pinggan mangkuk yang pecah sebab I jatuh tadi terus cakap “Ni nanti saya masukkan dalam bil ya!”

WOW OK.

So konklusinya, haha saya tanak bersalin di Salam lagi ya. Lain sangat situasi and suasana dari saya bersalin anak pertama 3 tahun lepas.  Nurse-nurse tak mesra alam, doctor yang banyak merahsiakan dan tak ikut cakap.  Serik sangat. Apa-apa banyak I belajar dari semua ni. Yang penting..lebih baik tunggu sakit yang betul-betul baru pergi ke hospital sebab lagi kurang masa kita spend di hospital, lagi happy lepas bersalin.

The perfect women pants

TIPS FOR BUYING WOMEN PANTS THAT ARE PERFECT

Pants are one of the pieces of clothing which may be hard for women to pick. Especially me.. With my big thighs and all and not to mention my postpartum body..phew..5 kgs to go Yo... Anyway, there are a few factors that need to be considered and finding the perfect women pants will be overwhelming for some. For the ladies who have no idea on how to buy the perfect pair of pants to add in their closet at home, here are a few tips that you could follow.

The first tip is to take into the mind the length of the women pants you prefer. It does not matter whether you want a long flare one, a straight cut, skinny fit or a shorter length; you have to set a length which suits your own style as well as height. For example, petite ladies will be drowning in a pair of pants which is too long. But for me, the longer the pants the cooler I feel, the baggier the better. But that's just me ;D .You do not want to feel frustrated when you are wearing an uncomfortable pair of women pants.

Pic courtesy of google

Other than that, women should always know the style of pants that fits your body figure right. There are many pant styles to choose ranging from boot cut, tapered, skinny fit, straight cut and more. For example, women who want to make their legs appear slimmer or taller should opt for the skinny fit. Meanwhile, for the ladies who want to enhance their curves will definitely love the boot cut pants. Each style has its own take to it and you should discover which style fits your body shape best.

Another tip is to check the fabric of the pants you have your eye on. Do you prefer a breathable effect such as cotton or cotton polyester, thin fabrics like satin or something sturdier like denim jeans? For example, if you aim to hide areas you are not proud like your thighs, stay away from thin fabrics. Jeans have always been the favourite pick as it has that versatile element for women to mix match with any tops. Wear it with a basic tee, blouse, shirts, hoodies or sweaters and you will still look stunning.

  

                                           Bootcuts making a comeback? Yes, please!

Baby Mina

Been years since I've written anything in here. Now where should I start?
 We moved out from Shah Alam (inlaws house) to Puchong, an apartment I had fallen for, with swimming pool and park, a lil cozy home for us three. That's where I really learned to juggle work and house chores, that's how me and Fik really grew as a person. I remember feeling really alone those past weeks not having anyone to talked to other than my partner and kid, so used to living in a house full of people haha.  So thats where I got pregnant, work for another year and quit right after that, lost my uncle, my nephew ( baby Rahman <3 2015="" 2016="" a="" all="" and="" challenging="" dearest="" filled="" for="" good="" here="" in="" love.="" love="" may="" more="" my="" nenek.="" nutshell.="" of="" only="" p="" s="" so="" surprises="" this="" to="" us="" was="" with="" year="">
wait a minute...i just described 2014 for goodness's sake..bengong gile..last year was ok..i got a baby actually!!! Aminah Fahima my emotional little peanut..her heart's so big and she wears it well. 2015 was the day we actually moved to our house..the house that we bought. Right after moving I popped a 3.1 kg baby girl at Salam Hospital. Happy, happy days. She's not exactly like Ali, the features and all. People has been comparing non stop, specially time baru je bersalin. Wth..I carried her for 9 months in the belly and struggled for hours to get her out of me just to hear you cakap "siannya..tak putih macam abang dia" or worse " mak aih..hitamnya tak macam mak dia". Bahahhahaa best pantang ever (not). i just realized how obsessed Malays are with skin color.  Sian Minah, whatever it is, I love you to bits and pieces so be you! Don't forget baby girl.

Right now, baby mama lovess eating, cats! (tapi takut but geram nak pegang), pandai clap at 6 months! cepat jeee....right now at 8 1.2 months banyak panjat and jatuh..and trying to stand without support and baru start waving bye bye..tak sabar nak main with her bro.. and Ali has beeen the best brother ever!! Eveytime I bf her upstairs he will follow me from behind and open the door slowly and asked "Mama Aminah tidur ke?" I f i said no he will gladly jumped in and play with her.

"sweet lil baby..sweet lil baby..belongs to everybody" your abang would always sing this while kissing your head.

I know life would suck without you

True love, true love
It must be true love
Nothing else can break my heart like
True love, true love,
It must be true love
No one else can break my heart like you

Just once try to wrap your little brain around my feelings
Just once please try not to be so mean
Repeat after me now R-O-M-A-N-C-E-E-E
Come on I'll say it slowly (Romance)
You can do it baby

MH370

“It seems to me that we can’t explain all the truly awful things in the world like war, airplane crash and murder and brain tumors, and we can’t fix these things, so we look at the frightening things that are closer to us and we magnify them until they burst open. Inside is something that we can manage, something that isn’t as awful as it had a first seemed. It is a relief to discover that although there might be axe murderers and kidnappers in the world, most people seem a lot like us: sometimes afraid and sometimes brave, sometimes cruel and sometimes kind.” 
― Sharon Creech, Walk Two Moons

2014 has been a pretty sad year for me, for most of us. I've lost an uncle, my husband's side from asthma, lost a friend from heart attack, and the people in MH370. Please God, protect my family, loved ones from any harm. Can't imagine the pain the family had to go through for these past 2 weeks. Maybe when everything seemed sad and miserable, we could live in hope that something might start to go right. God and His plans, it is always on time and it is never without a hikmah, don't ever doubt that. Note to myself as well. Al-Fatihah..

Goodbye Sopi.
Will always remember you, your jokes, your sweet carefree nature.
May your baby inherit the same trait as the father.